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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23922706">When the Web Gets a bit too Tangled</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlameowGal360/pseuds/GlameowGal360'>GlameowGal360</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Ultimate Eagles, Let’s Go Lions, Golden Memes [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, chatfic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:01:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>715</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23922706</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlameowGal360/pseuds/GlameowGal360</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The house leaders of Garreg Mach sort through their classes’ various relationships.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Ultimate Eagles, Let’s Go Lions, Golden Memes [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1724461</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>When the Web Gets a bit too Tangled</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="u"> <span class="s1">Their Royal Highnesses + Claude</span> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">—Monday, 4:40 p.m.—</span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Edelgard: We need a chart.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: Everyone fucks everyone. There’s your chart.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dimitri: CLAUDE</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: Okay, not everyone to everyone but at this point saying that is just easier. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Edelgard: This tangled mess is exactly why we need a chart. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dimitri: I agree it would be nice to have for future reference. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: Then you go first.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dimitri: First?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: Explain who in your class is dating who.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dimitri: ... I’ll admit it’s easier said than done.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Edelgard: For simplicity’s sake, let’s say that everyone’s relationships are open. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: Because everyone fucks everyone.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Edelgard: Yes.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dimitri: Okay. Mercedes—Dedue—Annette—Ashe. Sylvain—Felix—Me—Ingrid. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dimitri: I also think Ashe is with Caspar and Linhardt, but they aren’t in my class. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Edelgard: I can confirm. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: So the Lions are split right down the middle, huh?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dimitri: Hardly. We’ve all... Been with each other... Multiple times.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: GASP</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: I thought you were all pure!</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dimitri: The purest person in our class is Ashe and I suspect his recent limp didn’t come from training. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: GAAAAASSP</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Edelgard: Back on topic.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Edelgard: Me—Hubert—Petra--Dorothea. Caspar—Linhardt--Bernadetta. Ferdinand is with Lorenz, but he goes between groupings. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: So Ferdinand sort of dates everyone? Ferdinand?? </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Edelgard: He organizes group gatherings and takes people out to tea. He's especially close to Dorothea and Hubert. </span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: I don't think you typed that correctly.</span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Edelgard: What he and Dorothea have is complicated to say the least. <span class="s1">He has get togethers with Hubert, but that might be intense debating followed by hate sex. I have no desire to ask.</span></span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dimitri: Hate sex?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: Well, you see Dimitri, when two people detest each other very much but are forced to interact they sometimes choose to resolve the tension in their relationship by going for a ride.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: How do you think Lorenz and I learned to tolerate one another?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Edelgard: Sweet Goddess that imagery is scarring. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: It is, isn't it?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Edelgard: Dimitri, are you alive?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dimitri: no</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Edelgard: Good enough. Your turn Claude.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Claude: </span> <span class="s1">Hilda—Me—Marianne—Lysithea. Leonie—Ignatz—Raphael. Like Ferdinand, Lorenz sets up tea parties. They always turn into orgies "despite his best efforts at maintaining civility". </span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Edelgard: Wait, Hilda’s gay.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: She’s actually bi. Just not the equal kind of bi.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dimitri: I’m confused.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: Hilda likes guys, but she really, really likes girls. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Edelgard: I think Dorothea said something similar about her own preferences. </span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: Yet... Ferdinand.</span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Edelgard: The sooner you stop questioning it the less likely you are to go insane. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Edelgard: How the hell does Lysithea tolerate your teasing?</span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claude: All I’m saying is that she has her ways of making me shut up.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Dimitri: Is she willing to share them?</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Claude: Someone sure is eager. </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Dimitri: You know that’s not what I meant!</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Edelgard: Sure it isn’t.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Dimitri: EDELGARD</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Claude: You make it way too easy Your Highness. </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Edelgard: Any out of class dating that hasn’t been mentioned yet?</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Claude: Lysithea went on a date with Sylvain at some point but I doubt that’s actually a thing. </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Dimitri: I guarantee you Sylvain has gone out with everyone at some point. </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Edelgard: He and Dorothea go to tea on occasion. Speaking of her, she and Ingrid are absolutely together in some context. </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Dimitri: Without a doubt. </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Claude: Ignatz paints with Bernadetta on Sundays, but that could be completely platonic.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Edelgarde: Knowing her I’d wager it is.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Claude: How have I not mentioned Lysithea and Cyril yet?</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Dimitri: That sounds precious.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Claude: Try the one of the most precious things to ever exist.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Edelgard: I may actually die of cuteness overload.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Claude: I'd send pics, but she'd gag me if she ever found out. And I know she would find out.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Edelgard: You sure you wouldn't enjoy that?</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Claude: Not in this context.</p><p class="p2">Claude: Now let's get to the good stuff.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Dimitri: I have a bad feeling about this.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Claude: Who is good at what?</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Edelgard: In sex or dating?</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Claude: Yes.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Dimitri: I suddenly hear Dedue calling me for something that's definitely urgent and not at all made up.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Edelgard: Get back here coward.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Claude: You’re the one who admitted to fucking everyone in your class. </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">Dimitri: I remember no such admission. Good day. </p>
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